Hopeless
by FableLiterature
Summary: Kagome tells Inuyasha a secret that makes him angry right before she moves a way. Five years later she returns, battered and bruised. How does Inuyasha react? Rated M for a reason.
1. Moving Day

**Hopeless **

**A story by xxacidxx **

**Story idea & help by Sandy**

**Chapter One: Moving Day**

I don't really remember when we first met. It must have been when we could barely recall our names, because our parents had been friends for the longest time. We weren't born far apart, only a month and two days. Not that it mattered. He lived right beside me, in a large white house, just like ours. I suppose it could be called the 'rich part' of the city, but neither of us knew that. We thought that we were just like everyone else. It really had nothing to do with us that our parents had high paying jobs. I think we'd always been friends, like it was destined; our fates entwined at our birth.

As we got older, our friendship grew too, we were inseparable. Thicker than thieves, whatever that means. We always had each other's backs. The nights when his parents would fight, he'd crawl out his window and through mine, clinging to me in fear, while he tried to get his parents shouts from his head. His older brother wasn't much help, being constantly cruel to him. He had been so relieved when at last the older boy had moved to stay with his Mother, you see they were only half brothers.

My parents seldom fought, but my Dad was gone a lot. Always on some business trip to some other country. Mom tried her best to make up for it when he was gone at Christmas or a birthday, but it was always quite empty without him there; his easy smile and lit-up eyes. When these features showed, we knew he'd forgotten work. For the moment, anyway.

I guess it wasn't much of a surprise when my Dad got transfered. Well, it hurt like hell, knowing that I'd have to say goodbye to my best friend, but my parents were sure that I would find new friends. What 13 year old couldn't? Well that's what my Mom had said, anyway. I wasn't as childish and innocent as she might have thought though. I was turning into a young woman. Looking back at it, I think my best friend had noticed too, though I was too naive to have noticed. It would have made all the difference in the world, now that I think of it. But everything happens for a reason, right?

I'd had feelings towards him that were new, and I knew it was what the girls at school called a 'crush'. They made it sound like some massive secret, and that it was almost something to be ashamed of. You couldn't just tell the person, I learned, you had to hint. You couldn't be forward, you had to play the feminine part and wait for them to come to you. I didn't really like that idea. Women had fought for the right to vote, they had wanted equality, so why should the boys be made to pull all the courage out? It doesn't matter now, anyway. I fell into my pre-teen girl mode and did as the others, giggling behind my hand and blushing madly into a pale shade of red. I'd never told him, and as the others told me, I mustn't, not until I was asked on a date. Even then, I noticed that most of the relationships lasted only a week. I couldn't entirely see the point, but I wanted desperately to fit in. I went out with a few of them--of course my parents didn't know about it ("Not until you're 16!" My Mother had told me.)--but I didn't really like it. We were so young and still becoming the people we are going to be for the rest of their lives. I don't think I'd ever gotten over him, not even after I moved, not even when I came back.

I wanted desperately to tell him how I felt, to hold his hand and call him mine, but I'd never quite worked up the courage. I decided that I would tell him on the day that we moved, that way it would be off my chest. I guess it was sort of the coward's way out, I mean, what did I have to lose? The day came, and he seemed to small and vulnerable, and I couldn't help but notice that his eyes were red, like he'd been crying. He walked up the morning and asked if we could go sit out in the back garden and talk. I, of course, had said yes. I figured I could tell him my secret then.

He took my arm and we went out behind my house. It had a massive garden, my Mom had nothing to do all day, but tend to her garden, because the housework was done by a maid. It had a massive tree and was well sheltered with a small pond and cement bench in the centre. We had sat here often, sometimes in silence, just sitting and thinking. Not we sat in an almost awkward silence--something that we'd never experienced with each other before--and waited for the other to talk. I'm sure he was about to say something when I'd spoken up.

"I have something to tell you." I'd said in my small, thirteen-year-old voice. He'd gazed up at me, with sorrowful eyes, waiting for me to go on.

Suddenly quite nervous, I had cast my eyes to the ground, thinking of how to put my next words. My hand was picking at some flaking cement on the bench. My eyes raised slowly to his, and found him watching me steadily, his eyes calm. Finally, unable to take it, I allowed my words to be blunt.

"I have a crush on you!" I blurted, my eyes finding the ground again.

Silence from the other end. I had expected him to say something. Anything. But he just sat there. Finally, timidly, I raised my eyes again and they met an angry face.

"And you decide to tell me this the day you're leaving?" He said harshly. I'm sure I flinched at the sound of his voice.

"Well..." I barely had the time to say another word when he stood up.

"You tell me now, when we have no more time together? How could you do that?!"

I had nothing to say, I was just so shocked. I started to cry, silent tears making their way down my pale cheeks, making small dark grey splatters on the cold bench.

"I was scared..." I had murmured, watching him through my watery eyes.

"Scared! Oh is that it! Well then, I get to be all alone, and you get to go make some new friends!" His voice hit me like a tonne of bricks.

"Where does that leave me?" His eyes glared at me and I shivered standing up.

"I can call you everyday. I-" I reached a hand out to him, which he had hit away. I remember that he had turned on his heel and stomped off, leaving me, confused and crying in the garden.

I don't think I'll ever forget that day. It's haunted me for all the 5 long years that I have been in this new school. I can honestly say that there was not a day that went by when I didn't think of him. I think it was when I turned fifteen that I realized what I felt for him was not simply a childish, girly crush. It was more. It was deeper, and more real. I grieved all the time for my loss of him. I wrote to him often. He never wrote back. My poor angry, proud, beautiful Inuyasha.


	2. Agony

**Hopeless**

**A story by xxacidxx**

**Story idea & help from Sandy**

**Chapter 2: Agony**

The new school was much larger than my last one. There were so many cliques that it was hard to tell where to fit in. I remember my first day, I walked up the stone steps and into the building, people glaring me down from behind their drawn hoods and cigarettes. The front desk and principal's office wasn't far off and I found it quite easily. A resigned looking woman sat inside, scribbling things down on a notepad and then typing on her computer keyboard.

"Excuse me." I said in my polite manner, hands clutching to my registration papers.

The woman looked up at me as if she was surprised I was being to nice. She tried for a smile, but it sort of came across like a frown as she took the forms I offered her.

The woman turned back to her computer and, reading off my registration papers, typed something into the computer. She pressed a button and the printer wizzed into life, shooting out a single sheet. The woman stored my papers in a filing cabinet and handed me the single sheet--my schedule. I nodded my thanks and left the room, glancing down at the paper. First class was history.

I had no idea where room 17 was, so I decided I should ask a girl that was at her locker. She had long obviously dyed black hair, multiple piercings, and wore the school uniform, but the white blouse was tied up at the bottom, revealing a naval piercing. I didn't really mind, it wasn't like I hadn't seen someone with piercings before. Her eyes make up was dark, and her lips were painted a deep shade of red. She also wore the uniform skirt, green and black plaid with knee-high white socks and black shoes. I wore my own now, but done up traditionally.

"Excuse me." I said, stopping beside her.

The girl glanced up at me and I felt her eyes sweeping my body. She snapped her gum and closed her locker, still looking at me with disgust.

"Yeah?" She pushed some hair from her face and watched me with cold and quizzical eyes. "You need something?"

"Could you tell me where room 17 is?" I asked, averting my eyes, not liking the feeling of her glare.

"What do I look like, a map?" I had glanced up to see her roll her eyes and lock her locker. A boy with long black hair, also wearing dark eye makeup came up from behind her, slipping his hands around her waist onto her bare stomach. She grinned and leaned her head back, kissing him.

I felt myself blush. It hadn't been like that at my old school. Not like that at all. I'd hurried away from her locker and found the room on my own. I chose a seat in the middle, in an attempt to not seem too conspicuous. I found myself as the only person in the room, and it made me feel uncomfortable.

Soon the bell had rung and the students filed into the room, choosing seats all around me. A group of giggling girls came in and they all stopped dead when they saw where I sat. A taller blonde girl walked over to me and gave me a hard shove, sending me flying from the chair and onto the floor. Next she pushed my books onto the floor, grabbed my fallen chair and sat down. The other girls laughed and sat down in the empty desks all around her, watching me through cruel eyes. I staggered to my feet and gathered by books. I found an empty desk in the back and sat down, eyes cast to the floor.

I could hear laughter near me, not girlish giggles like the blonde girl's group, but low and rumbling. There were at least two boys laughing at me. I glanced up and saw that one of them, thin as a pole and looking quite dangerous, slipping a piece of paper onto my desk. I opened it under my desk, my eyes scanning the paper. I felt my face grow hot.

_'Hey fatty, you the one that caused the tsunami?'_

I had never really worried about my weight before. I was maybe a bit bigger than some of the others, but I wasn't the size that anyone should be asking if I started a _tsunami_.

I slipped the note into my book and the glanced up as an older man with a crooked back took the front of the class. All class he just talk and talked and talked, and it was hard to understand him most of the time. The class was sort of wild. Everyone was talking and laughing, passing notes, and gossiping. I had just scribbled in my notebook, composing a letter to Inuyasha.

Most of my classes were like that, everyday, no order. It was like the teachers had all given up and were no longer doing their job. Not that I ever blamed them, most of the kids were cold and disrespectful.

The harsh comments and bullying I had gotten my first day didn't stop. It got worse.

I hated going to school and I hated my body and all I wanted was to fit in. I started dieting. I got depressed and turned to the only group that would accept me. It was a bunch of people with dark make up and dyed hair. They were rebels who smoked and did drugs. I always managed to hold back from smoking and doing drugs, I didn't like it anyway. I did try smoking, but I hated it. I got high once, just from weed, and I found that I didn't care much for that feeling either. It confused me. I was a drinker though, there were always parties to go to. But I needed to fit in with this group. I dyed my once brown hair black and started to wear heavy make up everyday.

Still, I was bullied and I had a lot of self image problems. When I found dieting just wasn't working for me, I tried hardly eating at all. For breakfast I would have a mint and a glass of water. At lunch and supper I found have one piece of fruit. As you can imagine, I started to lose weight right away. The guys in my 'group' took notice and I started to get comments. I felt so good, even if the comments were rather crude. I continued to eat like that, figuring that if I lost _more_ weight the boys would take even more notice. They did, and in awhile I had my first true boyfriend.

His name was Kirtis. At first he was really sweet and he would tell me how beautiful I was. He introduced me to the world of making out, which we did quite a lot if I'm honest. But then his hands began to wander. At first I let him, but when he reached into my pants, I pulled his hand out.

"What's the matter baby?" I remember him saying, eyes taking on a look of innocence, but they were clouded with something else too. Lust.

"I don't want to." I had told him firmly, but he didn't listen and he was on me again. Whispering to me things like 'All girls do it' and 'I'll be hurt if you don't' and 'I need you to do this for me'. He pulled down my skirt then, and he'd done things that I hadn't ever experienced before, and it's odd, but all I could think about as he had his way with me, was Inuyasha.

I had cried out when he first did it, I felt something rip within me and it hurt like hell. Kirtis, however, had mistaken it for pleasure, and this seemed to encourage him.

"That's right baby, I knew you'd like it." He'd said as he grunted.

When he'd finished with me I had rolled off his bed and onto the floor, crying. I'd never felt so dirty in all my life. I just wanted to run. But Kirtis had his words to keep me with him. He'd rubbed my back and kissed me gently and told me how he was sorry that he'd hurt me and how it would get better and I would enjoy it too. I'd told myself it was normal and that he was right, all my friends did it too.

One day I had gone to Kirtis' house and his Mom had told me he was in his room. I headed up the stairs and pulled open the door. He wasn't in his room, but I could see him in the bathroom. I wondered what he was doing, and I walked in to find him sitting on the edge of the bathtub, blood running down his arms, a look of such pleasure on his face that I was wondering if the blood was fake. Then I saw the blade in his right hand and the remnants of a line of cocaine on the bahtroom counter.

"Kirtis?" I had asked and he turned his head to me, grinning stupidly. I'd come forward and pulled the blade from his hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked staring at the bloodied object.

"It's so amazing, Kagome. It just releases all the pain..." His head lolled to the side. I put the blade in the sink and then started to bandage his arms. He let me do it, allowing me to wash the blood from his slit wrists and wrap cloth around them.

I was so confused when he'd started crying. He clung to me like a baby and just sobbed. All I could do was hold him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. It was then that I realised I was stuck in something I couldn't get out of. I feared that if I tried to leave him, he'd have done something else to him self. Trying to escape the pain.

The night i'd gone home and tried cutting myself. You can never really understand how relieveing it is, cutting, not until you've tried it. It's almost addictive, even if the little voice in your head is saying that it's foolish.

The next year Kirtis had committed suicide. When I first heard, i'll admit, part of me felt relief. But another part of me was so upset that I didn't know if I could go on. I wanted to see Inuyasha, but i'd stopped writing him. I didn't want to tell him that my boyfriend of one year had just committed suicide. I didn't want to tell him that the guy I thought I loved had just blown his own brains out with his Dad's gun.

I was getting dangerously thin by this time, but no one was that concerned for me. Loads of my friends were on the special diet too. Sometimes I would binge eat, but then feel so disgusted with myself that I'd throw it all up again. Mostly, though, I just had one or two pieces of fruit a day. My parents didn't notice anything, shows how concerned they were. My Mum had gotten a job now, because she didn't have a large garden to work on anymore. Neither of my parents were home much. They fought sometimes, but I think it was because they rarely saw each other.

The years went by, and after five long years my parents announced we were moving back. I felt relief, resent, pain, and longing all in one. I didn't want to leave my friends, even though part of me knew they didn't care anyway. Most of them were drug addicts that didn't even care about themselves or me anymore.

One day I posed before my mirror in just my underwear, wondering what Inuyasha would think of me now. My skin was stretched across my bones, my legs were thin as toothpicks and my cheeks were sunken. My wrists were scarred with the marks of razors, and my once shining brown hair hung limp and black at my shoulders. I realised then something very bad for someone of my age to discover.

I hated myself.


	3. Back

**Hopless**

**A story by xxacidxx**

**Story idea & help by Sandy**

**Chapter 3: Back**

The city was larger than I remembered. There were a lot more fast food chains, like McDonalds and A&W, everything was bigger and the people were moving faster. I longed for it to be a slow paced community like it once had been. It was more peaceful that way. Of course, I probably wouldn't be able to fit into the crowd in a smaller community, seeing as my look was a bit...unique. Actually, in all reality, my look wasn't even close to original or unique. I was just like everyone else in my group had been. I guess the style just wasn't...normal.

I was now 18, and at a very dangerous weight of 84 pounds. Not that my parents noticed anything. I would always wear baggy clothes and long sleeves so that no one would notice my unusual weight. It sort of defeated the purpose, but once you start it's almost impossible to stop. I hadn't gotten my period in three months. It wasn't because I was pregnant. No, i'd taken about three pregnancy tests, all negative. It was because my body was shutting down on me. My hair was gross and limp and it was getting thinner, like my body didn't have enough energy to produce the thick silky hair I once had.

Of course, we weren't in the same house anymore, though I wish we were. It meant I was closer to Inuyasha and in my old farmiliar neighborhood. We pulled up outside the large white house that we had bought. It was, to my surprise, quite a lot closer to our old one than my parents had let on. Actually, it was only about four houses away, and three from Inuyasha. I couldn't let myself think about it. What if he still hated me? But it was impossible to push the thoughts of him out of my mind.

I lugged all my boxes up the stairs to what would be my room. The walls were a soft green color, which, I secretly admitted to myself, I liked. After I'd filled my dresser and unpacked all my pictures and other bits, I sat on my bed in front of the full length mirror, staring at myself. I felt disgusted. I saw someone who wasn't me with dyed black hair, heavy black make up, and all black clothes that didn't go well with my pale complexion. And then there was my eyes. They looked so dull and had lost their youthful shine. They looked like they belonged to a dead girl. I knew that I didn't need to dress like that anymore. I knew that I could dye my hair back to my natural color and that I could lighten my makeup. I didn't want Inuyasha to see what I had become.

The next day I bought hair dye and went on a shopping spree. I bought clothes with bright colors that weren't baggy, happy, bright makeup, and I even decided it was time for me to get a pet. Of course, I got the permission of my Mother, who told me I could get a puppy or a kitten if that's what I wanted. I had gone to the closest pet store, bags in hands, and gazed through the plexiglass at all of the cute animals for sale. I had decided on a Golden Retriever puppy, a boy, and I decided to call him Kirtis. I bought food dishes, a leash, food, chew toys, treats, dog shampoo, and a brush and gone to the check out. It had cost me $1500, but I think it was worth it. They said that they would drop everything by my house tomorrow, because I wasn't able to take him home that day.

As soon as I was home I dyed my hair and changed my clothes. I was so tired of looking like some zombie and I wanted to look like me. The real me. Now I stood before the mirror with light colored makeup, a red long sleeve shirt, darkwash jeans, and soft brown hair. It was still limp and thin, but it looked much better on me. I marvelled at how much I had missed looking like this and turned in the mirror. I felt huge, but that's part of the illness. I see that looking back now.

I slept well for the first time in ages that night. I had no nightmares. No painful stomach cramps (well I guess I did, but I was used to them by then), and was warm and secure feeling the whole night. I woke to hear birds chirping outside my window and sunlight pooling across my bed. I sat up, quite happily, and went to shower. Next I went downstairs and had an apple, eating my way through it slowly. Today the pet store would be bringing my puppy, Kirtis. I has grinned at the thought and went upstairs to put on make up and get my room ready.

At eleven the door bell rang and I hurried down stairs. A man stood outside the door holding a met carrier and a bag of supplies in the other. I opened the door, beaming at him and accepted the things before I gave him the delivery fee. I carried the carrier and supplies up to my room and closed the door behind me. I opened the carrier, and the tiny golden puppy waddled out, it's small tail wagging. I had gathered him into my arms and held him, suddenly needing the comfort very much.

He'd been a lot of trouble, as puppies usually are, peeing all over the house, chewing on chair legs, and scratching at the doors. It was impossible to be mad at him for long, though. He was just so cute.

The day before school was going to start, I decided I should go and try to see Inuyasha. I dressed in my new clothes and decided to leave Kirtis home and take him for a walk later. It took awhile to build up the confidence, but eventually I made my way down the street and to his front steps. I walked up to the door, and before I could back down, I rang the bell. No one answered. I told myself I was foolish and that they were probably out, but when I turned to walk away, the door opened behind me.

"Yes?" Asked a voice that sounded somewhat farmiliar. I turned around quickly. Inuyasha.

"Kagome?" He asked, his eyes widening as he watched me. I nodded firmly, and then no longer able to hold his gaze, I dropped my eyes.

"I missed you." I murmured after awhile of silence, raising my head cautiously to watch him again.

"I...I don't know why you came here." His eyes clouded over from shock to anger and I felt suddenly cold and hugged myself.

"I wanted to see you."

"Well, I don't want to see you." He stepped back inside the house and slammed the door in my face.

So, that was how it was going to be. He was still mad at me. I turned and walked home, arms still wrapped around myself. When I got there, I binged. Filling myself with ice cream, cookies, jello, and potato chips. I guzzled it all down with three glasses of coke, and then I went into the bathroom and vomitted. I sat down again the tub and hugged my legs, crying. I had felt disgusted with myself for eating so much. I had felt sick that I had done it again. I was killing myself, and I was beginning to know it.

The next day I showed up for school, ready to be judge, ready to be rejected by Inuyasha. Or so I had thought. I walked through the doors and saw him standing there with a bunch of his friends. Some of them I knew, others I didn't. He glanced at me and then glared and turned away. No one said a word as I passed, but I heard laughter after I left. I had found my classes fine, and I started to hang out with a few of my old friends.

The next day my schedule was different. The classes were easy to find, especially now that I had some friends to show me where to go. Last class was Phys ED. I had been so busy that day, doing make up assignments, that I hadn't had time to eat. Not a big deal to me, or so I thought.

I started to feel dizzy and light headed as I was changing into my gym clothes. I stumbled out of the change room, and the first person I saw was Inuyasha. Of course he turned away, his back towards me, talking to his friends again. I felt the world begin to spin around me and before I knew it I was falling. It felt like it took forever, but I must have been caught. Strong arms were around me, I could feel the muscles rippling.

"Inu.." The word had died on my lips and then the world was black.

I woke up to the beep of a heart monitor. It was just like on all of the TV shows, when the beep stopped pulsing, so had your heart. At least I was alive. I opened my eyes slowly, and groaned as the light hit them. I felt like I'd been asleep for days.

"Kagome!" My Mother gasped and I had noticed her hand was clutching mine.

"Mmm." I replied raised my free hand to rub sleep from my eyes.

"What happened?" I asked groggily, then coughed, my throat felt very dry.

"You passed out in gym class." She sounded pained. "I'm sorry darling, I should have known...Seen the signs."

"What signs?"

"That you were anorexic. And the cut marks." She sounded like she might cry.

I didn't know how to reply. That's what my 'diet' was anyway--anorexia. It had just taken me awhile to figure it out.

"Was it us? Did we drive you to it?" I knew she meant her and my Dad. I shook my head quickly at her question.

"No...It was...people at school." I replied, sitting up slowly. There was an IV line in my arm. My hand went to my stomach and I felt that I had gained some weight.

"They had to tube feed you." My Mother explained, running her finger slowly over the cut marks on my arms.

"Why did you...?" She asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said, shaking my head firmly. "How's Kirtis?" I questioned, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, he's fine. The house keeper is looking after him."

I nodded and closed my eyes again, rubbing them with my free hand.

A heard the click of high-heels on the floor and opened my eyes to find a nurse. She set a tray of food before me and smiled. Next, she had set about changing the IV bag and checking the needle was in the right place.

"You've got some visitors." The nurse informed us, looking towards the door.

Just outside stood Inuyasha, looking quite resentfully at his Mother.

"Inuyasha? Why is he here. He doesn't care." I said spitefully as the nurse started to walk away.

"Oh, but Kagome, he's the one that brought you here. He caught you as you passed out and drove you to the hospital."

"_What_?" I hadn't had time to press the matter, though, because at that moment the two of them walked in, Inuyasha's step mother smiling, and her step son trailing behind, looking anywhere but Kagome.

"Oh Kagome dear, how _are_ you doing?" She asked coming around the other side of the bed to squeeze my hand.

I kept my eyes on Inuyasha as I spoke.

"I'm fine, thank you."

He wouldn't even look at me. He must find me disgusting. I dropped my eyes suddenly. What if he thought I was fat? He wouldn't like me anymore. Not that I had much to lose...

"When Inuyasha told me what happened I had to come..." I was faintly aware of his Mother babbling on.

"Inuyasha, _say_ something." She said finally, bringing me back to my senses. I gazed up at him, eyes searching.

He glanced up slowly, and seemed to see me for the first time. He frowned and looked away again.

"Alright?" He asked, his voice emotionless.

"Yes." I replied, watching him steadily. He nodded, still looking down.

"I'm going to go get a drink." Inuyasha had said, excusing himself from the room.

"Honestly, I _don't_ know what's wrong with that boy." His Mother said, shaking her head.

Only, I knew.


	4. Recovery

**Hopeless**

**A story by xxacidxx**

**Story idea & help by Sandy**

**Chapter 4: Recovery**

My Mom told me I had to take part in a group counseling program. A bunch of other girls around my age with eat disorders (Can you say 'party'?) would probably be sitting around spewing out emotions and crying all over the place. I had been so angry. I didn't need it. I wasn't sick...was I? They told me that I weighed 77 when I came into the hospital. That was hardly a healthy weight, was it? I had been so scared at that moment that of course I agreed. Later though...I was trying to convince myself I was invincible. I wasn't going to starve like those other emotional freaks. I was special. Immortal.

I was quite stupid back then.

They let me out of the hospital once my weight was up to 92. I felt disgusted, but my Mom had started to watch me like a hawk, so there was no way I could throw up after eating. I had to take vitamin suppliments and lots of fatty foods, until I was back up to a normal weight. Normal meant 110 pounds. I thought I would look like an elephant.

I went back to school, and I still got loads of stares, but this time they were full of pity and not curiousity or dislike. I had abosolutely hated it. I didn't want their pity. My friends all hugged me and told me there were there for me. I put on my best fake smile and told them that I knew. It wasn't really comforting, I mean, they didn't understand, did they? Their hugs were quick though, and somewhat resigned. I knew they were afraid of me. That hurt more than anything else, except Inuyasha rejecting me. That hurt like a 100 pound anvil dropping on your baby toe.

When I saw Inuyasha in the halls I would try to stop him, but he would just brush me off. He hadn't even really looked at me since the hospital incident. I felt lonely and hollow inside. The only comfort I had was Kirtis. I took him for walks everyday and he would curl up with me each night. He was growing quickly, and his golden coat was beginning to turn into a darker burnt orange color. He was a very loyal dog, very happy-go-lucky, and sometimes a bit of a dummy. The funny thing is, I think he knew when I was upset, because whenever I felt completely hopeless he would hurry over and give my cheek a big lick.

I started the counseling that week. I went every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7:00. We talked about our feelings and what drove us to do what we did. It got quite emotional, and although I didn't like to admit it, it made me feel a lot better. We sat around a circle and just talked. We did activites that let us see that we weren't fat. That we were beautiful and just right. I started to get up to a healthy weight and the drive to be super skinny was decreasing, but still in the back of my mind at all times. I was beginning to be happy again.

One day I decided that it was time to confront Inuyasha. I didn't really even understand why he hated me so much, and I needed to find out. That day at the lunch bell I found he was coming towards me. Before he could protest I had grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty classroom. I closed the door behind us and leaned against it, blocking his exit.

"What do you want?" He had asked, eyes on the floor, strong arms crossed over his chest.

_Oh_, but he had gotten handsome.

"I wanted to know why it is that you hate me so much." I replied firmly, my gaze resting steadily on him.

He didn't look up. "I don't _hate_ you."

"Fine, why is your disgust for me so strong?"

"You don't disgust me!" Inuyasha had said angirly, his eyes raising to look at me. I felt a wave of emotion move me and tears welled in my eyes, something I had definitely not planned.

"Then why are you doing this to me?" I had asked in a soft voice, allowing the hurt to leak through my words.

"I..." Inuyasha didn't really seem to have a good excuse. "You hurt me." He replied finally, looking away again.

"I _hurt_ you?" I asked in a hushed voice, moving towards him and away from the door.

He almost jumped in surprise as I rested my hand on his arm. It seemed he had remembered himself.

"Yes." He said firmly and pushed past me and out into the hallway. I dropped my arm back to my side and leaned against the wall, taking a moment to regain my composure.

I had hurt _him_? Where had he been when I needed him the most? That was five fucking years ago! Anger had flared within me and I knew then that he wasn't worth my time.

The halls were empty when I started out into them, most people in the cafeteria or gone out for lunch. I headed up to my locker, appetite lost. I didn't want to eat I didn't want to do anything. So, I sat and fumed in the girls locker room, my legs drawn up to my chest. When girls started coming in to change for Phys ED, I left. I wanted to escape this anger and pain. So I went home. I didn't care if I was skipping two classes, all I had wanted was to see Kirtis. I fell asleep with him in my bed, drifting off into sweet nothingness.

The next morning my stomach had knots in it from not eating. I knew my Mom would make sure she watched me eat, so I just went downstairs and into the kitchen. There she was waiting with a smile and a bowl of cereal.

"Eat up!" She said and looked at her watch. Maybe she had to go to work early. I wolfed down my food and then looked up at her. She had smiled and patted my cheek before leaving for work.

I wanted to get drunk. I had partied a lot in my old school, getting trashed almost once a week and sometimes twice. I walked down the wine cellar and got a bottle of vodka. When I was back upstairs I started to take shots. One. Two. Three...Seven...Ten...Fourteen. By this time I was getting pretty drunk and I stumbled out of the house after taking my 15th shot. I made my way to the bus stop and I don't know how, but I managed to get all the way to school. Students watched me with either horrified or amused looks as I stumbled up the stone steps and into the school. I bumped into something, rather someone, and proceeded to fall back onto my ass.

"Oops!" I chimed in a silly voice, making to stand up.

Inuyasha turned around and watched me through annoyed eyes.

"You're drunk." He said, crossing his arms over that gorgeous chest of his.

I had giggled in response, "Am I? Whatt'sss it to you?" I tried to stand up again, but fell backwards.

"Ouch." I rubbed the back of my head.

"If a teacher sees you you'll be suspended." He warned me, taking a step forwards and crouching down a bit.

"Ah, I don't really care any more." I drawled before offering him my hand. "Help me up." I commanded.

He oblidged, keeping me steady with his arm. "Trying to cop a feel?" I asked giggling.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "No."

"Oh, you can't help me." I had said, trying to push him away. "Because I'm angry at you. Very, very angry."

Inuyasha had walked me out the doors now and was helping me down the steps.

"Why's that?" He asked in a hushed voice, starting towards the parking lot.

"Because," I began, my voice suddenly quite emotional and not so giggly. "I needed you, I needed you to support me, and you weren't there."

He didn't reply as he helped me into the passengers seat of his black mustang. Inuyasha did up my seat belt and I had grabbed his hand.

"Why don't you love me?" I remember pouting in all my drunkness.

"You're drunk." He said again and pulled his hand away. He closed my door and got in his side, starting up the engine and pulling away from the school.

"Where are we going?" I asked, giggling again.

"Your house. Are your parents home?"

"Nope!" I exclaimed, clumsily winking my eye at him. "You can have your wicked way with me without interuption!"

Again, he hadn't replied.

Soon enough he had pulled his car up outside my house and was opening the door for me, helping me out and supporting me as he found the door to be unlocked.

"Where's your room?" He asked, kicking off his shoes at the door.

"Up there!" I gestured up the stairs and he had nodded.

"Come on, help me out here a bit." He pleaded. My legs had gone all wobbly and I couldn't climb the stairs, even with his support.

"Why should I make it easy? You didn't even seduce me." I had pouted back, throwing my arms around his neck.

Inuyasha groaned and lifted me up, carrying me up to my room bridal-style. He pushed open the door to my room and set me on the bed. Kirtis was locked in the back garden while I was at school, so those two didn't have to worry about being aquainted yet.

"Get undressed." Inuyasha told me, going to my drawers to look for a night gown.

"Oh you _naughty_ boy." I cooed, stripping off my shirt and jeans.

Inuyasha returned with a huge white tee-shirt that I had used at night clothes. I vaguely remembered his eyes scanning my body, and I could see the sadness in his face.

"What?" I'd snapped rudely, snatching the shirt away from him. "Got some more pity for me?" I spat, slipping it over my head.

"No." He replied, seemingly understanding that people didn't often want pity. "Into bed."

Inuyasha had pulled my covers back and helped me lie down, covering me back up.

I rose my hand and touched a few strands of his long silky black hair. He went to make for the door, but my hand stopped him.

"Please don't leave." I pleaded, sitting up quickly, clutching his hand tightly.

Something in his face broke momentarily and then he came back. He stripped off his jeans and shirt and crawled into the bed with me, only clad in his boxers and socks.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him and nuzzled into his chest. Maybe things would be alright now.


	5. Pick Up Lines

**Hopeless**

**A story by xxacidxx**

**Story idea & help by Sandy**

**Chapter 5: Pick Up Lines**

I woke up and my head was pouding fiercely. I had never felt quite so very _hungover_. It felt like I'd been hit by a bus. Scratch that, five buses. All in a row. I groggily opened one eye and found that it was still light out and that it hurt to look at light, like someone shining their flashlight in your eyes. I peered over at my bedside table and found two Advil and a glass of water. I managed to sit up a bit and gulp them down, guzzling the water down my dry throat. After that I laid back and waited for it to kick in.

When at last it felt like I'd only been hit by a bicycle, I got up and sat on the edge of my bed. I could not remember how I'd gotten into bed, or how I got into the long shirt I was wearing, and I couldn't even remember getting into my house. The memories went blank after Inuyasha helping me down the stairs. Damn. I let him help me? I didn't want anything from him, not anymore.

Then I remembered the open body of vodka and the used shot glass downstairs. I had quickly looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:45. School would be out in another 15 minutes. Mom wouldn't be home until 7:00. Nice. I pulled myself from the warm haven of my bed and down the stairs. I quickly put the bottle away and cleaned the glass, putting it back in the cupboard. Next, I let Kirtis back in and fed him. I decided that I could skip his walk for today, seeing as I felt like shit.

I went into the living room and flicked on the TV, trying to find something decent to watch. I settled on Jerry Springer, figuring seeing other people miserable would make me feel better. Anger wasn't really my way, and being as angry as I was at Inuyasha was not easy on me.

I lounged out on the sofa, and Kirtis came to set by me, so I had allowed my fingers to brush through his soft puppy fur. I really needed to get over Inuyasha. He was hardly worth the effort...was he? I sighed and sat up, switching off the TV after only ten minutes of watching. I went back up to my room, Kirtis bounding after me, tail wagging furiously, and decided to shower. I pulled out some clean clothes and went into the bathroom dropping them onto the rug. I started the water and stripped down, getting under the water. It felt so good. So _pure_.

I stood there for a long time, just soaking in the warmth, my hair sticking to my back and face. Finally I started to move and I washed my hair slowly, massaging my scalp. Next I used conditioner, and then I shaved. Soon enough I felt clean and got out, wrapping a towel around myself and then wringing out my hair.

When I was dressed and had put my makeup on, I walked back out into my room and sat at the small window seat, gazing out into the quiet street. It has always been calm here, no crime, no loud parties. The only noise I can remeber hearing was birds, vehicles, and children. Occasionally some yelling when I had lived beside Inuyasha. I frowned as I remembered how Inuyasha would come over in tears, needing to be held. We'd never talk when he was there, he'd just crawl into my bed and we'd fall asleep again. He was always gone when I woke up and we never spoke about it.

I had closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the sun-warmed glass beside me. I must have fallen asleep, because my Mom woke me up.

"Honey, the school said you weren't there today, is everything okay?" She asked, pushing my legs so she could sit down beside me.

"Yes. Just a bad day." I replied gazing at her.

She had nodded and stroked my hair. "Let me know in the future, okay, so I can call you in sick?"

"Sure." I responded, turning my head to her and giving a sad little smile.

"Have you eaten since breakfast?"

I reluctantly shook my head and stood up.

"Ice cream?"

"Ice cream." I confirmed, still smiling as I walked down the stairs, my Mom behind me.

The next day I went to school, completely ready to ignore Inuyasha. I strode into the school wearing my favorite new outfit; shiny closed toe heels (which I had practised walking all last night and this morning), dark wash skinny jeans, and a purple tee-shirt. I hung a long silver chain with a heart dangling off the end around my neck, and put silver bangles on my arm. It was a bit bold of me, not wearing long sleeves, but today I didn't care if people saw the slash marks on my wrists. I just couldn't be bothered. Some of the guys took notice when I walked in, but I completely ignored them.

I gazed ahead and saw Inuyasha and his group standing before me, I continued my confident walk right on past them, making sure to do a little hair flip as I walked by. I don't know if he saw, I was too busy concentration on walking in the damned heels and looking good doing it. So busy concetrating, in fact, that I completely run into someone. Thankfully, it was around the corner from Inuyasha and his crew.

I fell back hard, and swore.

"Ouch. Sorry, that was probably my fault." I had gazed up and my eyes met those of a boy with long black hair, tied up in a pony tail. He was quite good looking.

"Oh, not at all." He stood up and offered a hand down to me, smiling coyly. "Sorry Miss..." He drifted off, leaving room for me to fill in my name.

"Kagome." I responded smiling and taking his hand to pull myself up.

"My names Kouga." He did a mock bow that I found hilarious. It made me laugh.

"Well, I should be getting to my locker. Thank you, Kouga."

"Anytime." He walked past me and I couldn't help but grin. Maybe there was hope that I wouldn't be single for the rest of my senior year. _And_ he hadn't even noticed the marks on my arm. Yes!

I finally got to my locker and opened it, grabbing my books I made it to my first class. It was boring, of course, and I was glad when the bell rang. I had scurried to my locker and opened it, putting my books inside and exchanging them for new ones. When I closed the locker door, Kouga stood before me.

"Hello." I had smiled at him.

"Hey." He replied, leaning on the locker beside mine. "Are you tired?"

"No...why?"

"Because you've been running through my mind all day."

I laughed despite myself. I was a sucker for corny pick up lines.

"It's only been an hour." I reminded him, pulling my binder close to my chest and wrapping both my arms around it.

"Feels like it's been an eternity since I saw you." He responded, surprising me by how he could keep a straight face.

"Is that right? Well it's going to be an eternity more, because I have to get to class."

He pouted and then grinned at me. "Can I take you for lunch?"

I thought about it for a minute and then shrugged. "I guess."

Kouga grinned. "Meet me in the parking lot at the bell."

I nodded and then walked past him towards my next class, a smile lighting up my lips.

He was there, at lunch that is, leaning against a red convertable. I walked over to him and smirked.

"Nice ride. Not trying to compensate for something, I hope?" I teased stopping just in front of him.

"Nah, it's just that I needed something just as good to even things out." He smiled flirtatiously and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door for me. I got in, crossing my legs and resting my hands beside myself on the seat.

Kouga closed the door and got in his own side, starting up the engine. "Where too, fair lady?" He asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Surprise me."

As we were pulling away I got a glimpse of Inuyasha. He had a look of anger on his face and he glared hard at Kouga, who returned it.

"You have a problem with him?" I questioned casually, flipping my hair over my shoulder.

"We've just never gotten along too well." He replied, chuckling.

I struck gold. Maybe this could make Inuyasha jealous enough to do something? I had reprimanded myself. I couldn't just _use_ Kouga like that. I'd feel too guilty.

He took me to a Thai restaurant and I ordered a sweet mandrin shrimp salad, it seemed like the least fattening thing on the menu, also the cheapest. I didn't want him to have to pay a lot.

"I'm surprised a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend." He commented casually just after our food got to our table.

I shook my head and set down my chopsticks. "I did."

"Can't imagine why someone would want to break up with you."

I tried to cover up my discomfort with a small smile. "He didn't."

"You binned him?"

"No...he...commited suicide." Right after I'd said it, I regreted it. That was probably the last thing he wanted to hear. He either would think that I'd been maddening enough to cause someone to commit suicide, or that I was going to be some weepy girl who was going to start blubbering and going on about how awsome her ex had been and how much she missed him.

"Oh...sorry." He said, suddenly looking quite uncomfortable.

"Oh, don't worry about it." I forced a smile onto my face and picked up my chop sticks. "Not exactly a good lunch topic. What class do you have next?"

We'd had a good time, I could tell he was enjoying himself. When we got back to the school he walked me to my locker and I kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks." I murmured, turning away and opening my locker.

"Pleasure was all mine." He stood there for a moment. "Kagome? Could I get your number?"

"Sure." I grinned at him. "Got some paper?"

He shook his head and I smirked. I pulled a pen from my pencil case and took his head, drawing the numbers onto his palm.

"There." I grabbed my binders and locked my locker, heading off for my next class.

The next day Kouga ate lunch with me in the cafeteria. We were having quite a good time and after we ate we went outside. Before I knew what was happening he had me pushed against a wall, his lips soft against mine. It was a gentle kiss, and I found it romantic how he had just pushed me into a wall and kissed me, not caring who saw.

At first I kissed back, but it became more forceful. More needy. I pushed him back and laughed.

"Down boy." I murmured, but he was back on me again.

"Kouga, stop." I said pushing him back again. I think that he asumed I was playing hard to get. Not the case.

"Stop!" I tried to push him back again but he held me in place, pinning my wrists against the rough wall.

"Get off me!" I said trying to push him again. I thought I'd done it too because he stumbled backwards a few steps. I was wrong, however, because I saw Inuyasha standing behind Kouga, a look of furying on his face.

"What do you want?" Kouga asked moodily.

"She told you to stop." Inuyasha replied coldly, crossing his arms.

"We were having a good time, just fooling around."

I hugged myself awkwardly, not looking up into Inuyasha's searching gaze. I knew he was trying to tell whether or not Kouga was right.

"Lay off." He said, shoving Kouga down the stairs. The boy with the pony tail stalked off, calling over his shoulder that he'd call me later.

Inuyasha was coming towards me, so I didn't really pay attention.

"I didn't need your help." I said coldly, my head to the side.

"Didn't look like that when you came to school drunk yesterday. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was having a bad day. Why do you care?" I made my tone cold as I looked back to meet his eyes.

"You should stay away from Kouga. He's bad news."

"No, he's actually really nice and he doesn't get mad and overreact easily." I replied. "Oh and he doesn't hold grudges for five years, either." I walked away from him and back into the school, not even caring what his reaction was.

I had to admit even to myself though, his protectiveness over me was both confusing and comforting.


	6. Everything

**Hopeless**

**A story by xxacidxx**

**Story idea & help by Sandy**

**Chapter 6: Everything**

True to his word, Kouga called me that night. His tone was apologetic and he excused himself by saying 'sorry, I got carried away'. A bit of a warning flag went up in my head, because it reminded me so much of the way Kirtis had spoken after he'd… I don't want to think about it.

Anyway, I ignored the warning because I was set on making Inuyasha jealous and Kouga wasn't that bad. He was sweet. I really enjoyed being with him, he made me smile. It felt good to have someone making you happy. I hadn't felt that since my time with Inuyasha five years ago.

The next day I walked into the school and was treating Inuyasha the same that I had been since the day I met Kouga. I was cold and would always 'strut my stuff' right in front of him. I never really knew if he looked or not, I didn't dare to look back. I had a group therapy session that night, and I was getting a lot better. I could opening discuss my feelings and saw that a lot of other people were just as bad off, if not more, than me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that people actually did know what I was talking about.

Classes went by as normal, the same boring routine, and the same coldness flowing through me towards Inuyasha. When the last bell rang I made my way to my locker. Kouga was there, a bouquet of vibrant red roses in his hand. I carefully hid my smile behind my hand as I stopped and opened my locker.

"Hello, gorgeous." Kouga murmured coming up behind me and wrapping his free arm around my waist. His mouth had been right beside my ear and each of his breaths had made me shiver.

"Hey." I closed my locker and locked it, turning in his arm to face him.

He reluctantly pulled away. "I got these for you."

I accepted the bouquet and found myself blushing. "Thank you…they're beautiful."

"Just like you." Kouga kissed me lightly and then started to walk away. "I'll call you later!" He'd called over his shoulder.

Now that I think about it, everything he said to me was _beyond_ lame. Really, how many times have you heard that line? At the time, however, I was completely awestruck and flattered.

After he left I stood in a daze at my locker, my cheeks a faint pink and my lips slightly parted, remembering the kiss. Beside me, someone cleared their throat and I snapped out of my pose, hiding the blush quickly and turning to look at who it was.

"You know, you reacted like all the other girls did when he gave them roses." Inuyasha said, leaning against the lockers and watching me with resigned eyes.

"How would you know?" I snapped, glancing down at the roses before glaring at him.

"If he gives you a bracelet or necklace next, you'll know I was telling the truth." Inuyasha replied, pushing off from the lockers and heading down the hall.

I was furious, to say the least, and not at all suspicious of Kouga. I stormed out to the car my Mom let me drive today ("As a reward for coming along so well in your recovery!"), and put the roses on the passenger seat. I drove home ranting to myself about how stupid Inuyasha was and that he was just jealous.

That night Kouga didn't call. I called him and all I heard on the other end was loud music, the 'f' word, and then a click. Next came silence. I had come up with an excuse for him like his phone got stolen, or his parents had it. I wasn't angry. He'd given me _roses_.

The next day at school I didn't see Kouga until, again, last period. He was waiting by my locker, a hand behind his back as though he were hiding something.

"Sorry I didn't call last night, Babe." He said smiling easily, like he'd knew I wasn't mad.

"Oh that's okay." I said, returning the smile. I opened my locker and stowed my books inside, locking it as I finished.

"Okay, close your eyes and hold out your hands."

I did as I was told and I felt something cold slip over my wrist. I opened my eyes and looked at my wrist to see a silver bracelet with a heart dangling from it. I squealed and leaped into Kouga, pressing my mouth firmly against his.

"Glad you like it." He grinned and pulled away. "I've got to go. Talk to you later."

I nodded and stared at the bracelet, admiring it.

"Believe me now?" Inuyasha had come up beside me, hands deep in his jean pockets.

My pace paled and I remembered exactly what he had said before. _'If he gives you a bracelet or a necklace next, you'll know I was telling the truth.'_

"Spying on me now?" I asked coldly, pulling the bracelet off and slipping it into my pocket.

Inuyasha shrugged. "I just happen to be around every time you get closer to being hurt."

I frowned. "Enjoying it?"

"Not especially. Just…don't fall in love with him."

"Why the hell do you care anyway? It was almost easier when you would just hate me from a distance." I shot at him, hugging myself against a non-existent chill. He couldn't have possibly known it was still him I was in love with.

"I never hated you." He said softly, and the tone of his voice had almost frightened me.

"How many other girls?" I asked carefully.

"Four or five? He ditches them after he…well…the next stage is he will ask you over to his house, lets just say, and after that he doesn't have anything else to do with you." He replied, removing one hand from his pocket to run it through his silky black locks.

I believed him now, but I could never let him know that. "I don't believe you." I shot at him instead, turning my back. I was shaking.

"If he gives you trouble, call me. Only as a last resort…I mean…I just really want to give him hell." Inuyasha said, almost too fast for me to believe my own ears. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and scribbles something on it with a pen from his other one. He pressed it into my hand and then walked off quickly before I could say anything.

To say the least, I was shocked. It appeared like he almost _cared_. Or maybe he just wanted to get back at Kouga for some reason? For a reason unknown to me, I programmed Inuyasha's number into my phone. Just in case, I suppose.

As soon as I got home my phone started to ring. I flipped it open and discovered it was Kouga. I decided that Inuyasha was just jealous, Kouga couldn't do that. He was just too nice.

"Hello?" I said, answering my phone.

"Hey gorgeous. How about I take you out for supper tonight? Somewhere fancy, so dress nice. I'll be by at 6:30 to get you." His silky voice played through the phone and made me believe his innocence.

"Alright. Sounds like fun."

He hung up and I raced up the stairs, Kirtis at my heels, and into my room. I needed to shower, and quick. I only had two hours to get ready.

About half an hour later I stood in front of my closet, my silk dressing gown tied around me, trying to decide what to wear. I'd already blow dried my hair and straightened it, now I just needed an outfit.

I pulled a green halter dress out, it's color deep like an emerald, and the material was soft. I pulled off my dressing gown and pulled the dress on, gazing at myself in the mirror. The material cascaded down me, reaching just above the knee. I had to admit even to myself—which was quite a leap for me, considering I was just recovering from anorexia—that I looked pretty good. I hurried into the bathroom and did my makeup, using gentle strokes of forest green and brown eyeliner.

In no time at all, the door bell was being rung and I hurried down the stairs, snatching my coat and slipping on gold-strappy heels. The silver bracelet sat loosely on my wrist. I pulled open the door and smiled to see Kouga wearing a black dress shirt and black slacks.

"Wow. You look amazing." He said, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. I blushed under his gaze.

"You look pretty good yourself." I smiled faintly and looked past him to the red convertible.

Kouga led me down to the vehicle and opened my door for me, then closed it behind me once I was in.

Soon we were speeding down the street and we came to a fancy looking place. We went inside and I looked around. It was gorgeous. Everything was made of deep, rich wood and the lighting was dim.

It turned out Kouga had made a reservation. We had a table by a window, and I felt so special, sitting there with him in such a fine place. The prices were higher than I'd ever seen. In the end I just chose a salad. I felt a bit self conscious eating in front of him, but he was kind to me and we talked and laughed the whole time.

He was on his way to driving me home, but we stopped at a house I wasn't familiar with.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously, looking out the window.

"Come in for a bit. I've had such a good time tonight." He smiled and got out, walking around to open my door.

I nodded. "Yes, it was wonderful. Thank you." I allowed him to walk me to the door and he opened it, letting me go inside first.

It was a plain house, and quite clean. I liked it.

"Nice place." I murmured as he took my coat from me.

Kouga didn't answer. He was kissing my neck, making his way down to my back. He stopped rather abruptly and tugged my hand, pulling me down a flight of stairs.

I giggled and followed him, feeling like quite the giddy school girl. He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap, kissing me fiercely.

I kissed back, and soon it was much more heated. He pushed me off his lap and then he was on top of me, pinning me beneath him.

"I wanted this for so long." He murmured into my neck, his hand slipping under my dress.

I groaned and tried to push his hand away but he was so heavy on top of me.

"Kouga stop." I whispered, kissing his cheek. "I'm not ready."

"Why the hell not?" Anger flared in his voice and it scared me. "I bought you roses, a bracelet, took you out for supper."

"I can't be bought." I said, trying to push him off again.

"Well then I'll have to steal." He said roughly and began to undo his pants, pulling them down.

"No, Kouga. Stop! Stop it!" He was pulling up my dress and he yanked down my underwear.

"KOUGA! Please!" I pleaded, me fists banging his chest as he positioned himself. Tears began to fall down my cheeks and he entered me and I stopped. I had given up.

I stayed still, humiliated, crying, my eyes looking blankly at the floor. When he'd finished he got off of me and pulled his pants and underwear back on.

"Go home." He said and walked up the stairs.

I gathered myself together, pulling my underwear back on and rearranging my dress. I felt sick, violated, and dirty. I wanted to scream, cry, kick, punch, and be held all in one. My mind raced. I couldn't call my Mom or Dad; they were out of town for the weekend. I didn't really have anyone…But then I remembered. Inuyasha.

I pulled out my phone and dialled his number, praying he would answer. I stood up, aching from the violent assault and paced.

"Hello?" Inuyasha's voice asked on the other end.

"Inuyasha?" I said, my voice near a whimper. "I need…help…" By saying that, my resistance broke.

"Kagome? Where are you?"

"Kouga's." I replied softly, tears still running down my reddened cheeks.

"I'm on my way, alright?" His voice was soft which made everything so much worse.

"Okay." I murmured and then closed my phone, bolting up the stairs. I grabbed my coat and went out the door, slamming it behind me. After pulling on my coat, I hugged myself, tears still running freely down my face.

He had been right. Inuyasha had been right. Kouga was a womanizer and a rapist and I should have seen it. I of all people should have seen it.

It seemed like and eternity before Inuyasha pulled up in his black mustang. I walked slowly towards it, and he got out.

"Go get in." He murmured, not looking at me.

"Inuyasha what are you doing?" I asked, watching him walk to the door. He opened it and stormed in, yelling Kouga's name.

I quickly hurried inside after him.

"Inuyasha, _don't_." I said quickly, trying to pull him back outside. "It's not worth it."

"He hurt you, just like I said he would. He has to pay for that."

"Please. Don't."

But Kouga was already there, grinning at Inuyasha.

"What are you planning on doing?" He asked coyly, slipping down the stairs so that he was in front of Inuyasha.

Inuyasha raised his fist and punched Kouga so hard that he fell backwards.

I had gasped and pulled on Inuyasha, willing him to come away. He shrugged me off and straddled Kouga, punching him again. Kouga was ready, however, and easily kicked Inuyasha off. Now he was on Inuyasha, punching him again and again.

All I could do was watch.

Inuyasha eventually pushed Kouga off and kicked him hard in the stomach.

"You'll pay." Inuyasha spat out and then grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the house.

I saw he wasn't really in any condition to drive. His face was covered in blood and he was holding his wrist a bit funny.

"Give me the keys." I said, holding out my hand. He gave them to me a bit reluctantly and I got in the driver's side.

I drove to my house, figuring I should get Inuyasha cleaned up before he went home.

"Come on." I murmured, and he followed me without complaint. I let us into the house and led him up to my room—even if he did already know that way—and pushed him down onto my bed.

I went into the bathroom and got a wash cloth and got a small plastic container that I filled with warm water. I headed back out and knelt before him. I had cupped one side of his face with my hand and used the other with the wet wash cloth to clean his wounds.

"Thank you for coming." I said in a small voice, my hand still making gentle gestures on his face.

"Not a problem. Kouga had it coming to him."

I nodded and we remained silent until I was finished. I went back into the bathroom and cleaned the wash cloth, dumping the reddened water down the sink. When I came back Inuyasha was watching me with a strange expression on his face.

"Did he…go…all the way?" He asked softly, as if it would help lessen the meaning of the words he'd spoken.

I nodded and walked over to my mirror, wiping off some of the smeared makeup.

"Did you love him?" This question shocked me and I looked at Inuyasha through the mirror.

"No. No, I didn't." I sighed and stopped rubbing makeup off. I came to the bed and sat down beside him, smoothing my dress over my legs.

"That's good then, I suppose." He said uncertainly.

"It would have hurt a hell of a lot more if I had."

"How do you know?"

"Experience." I looked at the floor. "My boyfriend committed suicide."

"Oh…I'm sorry…" His voice was shocked.

"Don't be. I've gotten over it…" I had sighed and looked over at him. "You remember when we used to play cars? Out in the back garden? And I always had the car you wanted, but I'd never let you have it. And you, you stole it from me." I laughed lightly and looked up at him.

"I seem to remember that car was mine in the first play." He teased, smiling lightly. "I also remember we got in a fight about it and didn't speak for two days. Then at night…I came…over here." He stopped talking. Neither of us had ever verbalized anything that happened those nights when he would come over because of his parents fighting.

I nodded at the memory. "And I told you that in the morning we wouldn't worry about the silly car."

"Kagome…"

"Hmm?" I asked looking over.

"I…missed you. After you left, I was so angry. I wanted nothing more than to have you back again so I could scream at you. And your letters…I just couldn't bring myself to write back…" He wouldn't meet my eyes as he said this. "It just hurt so much…"

"I know." I murmured gently. "I miss you so much." On the last word my voice broke and tears began to run down my cheeks again. I brushed them away furiously and turned my head from him.

"Kagome, why did it hurt me so much?" He asked, as if I would know the answer. I knew he just wanted my input.

"You needed someone to cling to, and I was gone?" I suggested, still not looking at him.

"No, Kagome. It was because I was in love with you." Inuyasha took one side of my face in his hand and pulled it towards his, forcing me to meet his eyes.

"We were only children." I stood up quickly, pulling away from his grasp and searching eyes.

"Kagome…I…" His voice was lost.

"Why are you even here?" I asked almost in an angry voice, my back to him.

"I…don't know." I heard the bed springs creak and knew he had just stood up. "Forgive me."

I felt his hand on my back and I spun around, looking him over carefully. "For what?"

"Not being there for you." He lifted my arm and ran his finger over the scars. "For not stopping you from hurting yourself."

"Why does it matter to you? You weren't there…"

"Because, Kagome, when you get hurt, I get hurt." He kissed each scar on my arm and I stared at him in wonder. What did he mean?

"I don't understand."

"I'm in love with you Kagome. I always have been." Inuyasha let go of my arm and looked me in the eye. He stepped closer to me and captured my lips in his. It was gentle and pure. So much better and so much more right than Kouga could have ever been.

He pulled away from me and I rested my head on his chest, crying silently for everything that I'd lost and everything I'd become.

"I love you." The words slipping from my mouth and then his arms were around me, holding me gently as I cried.

As I look back on all of this, I realize that everything was worth it. Everything I'd ever done was because it was going to bring me closer to him. My proud beautiful Inuyasha.


End file.
